32-year-old prioritizes sister over girlfriend, claims buying a house with his sister is a "safer investment" than marriage: 'He told me we can still have a family, he just doesn't want the legal ties'

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    My boyfriend is choosing buy house and live with his sister over me

    "He picked her, you pick you."
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    I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (32M) for a little over a year now, and we've been living together for eight months. Lately, a few issues have come up that I don't know how to handle. This might be a long one!
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    1. The House Situation The other night, my boyfriend's sister blindsided me by dr enly telling me that she and my boyfriend are buying a house together in another town (45 minutes away). She then asked how I felt about him living there with her while I stay here. She originally called to "check up on me" because she thought he and I were fighting (more on that later).
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    • A few things about this situation don't sit right with me: • He never brought this up to me at all. ⚫ They already own a condo "together"-it's in her name, but he helps pay. • His grandparents have
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    • My two houses next to each other that they have talked about giving to them for their future/families. ⚫ boyfriend and I have had many conversations about our future, where we'd like to live, and even moving to other states.
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    It just doesn't make sense to me that we're living together in a serious relationship, yet out of nowhere, he wants to buy another house with his sister and leave me completely out of it. His sister
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    even said, "I just want you to be okay with him and me living in [new town] while you stay in [current town]." She made it very clear that I would have no part in the house or even be living there.
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    When I confronted my boyfriend about why he never mentioned it, he made excuses-saying he just found out, that his grandparents want them to do this, and that he hasn't made any decisions yet.
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    But the whole situation doesn't add up. His family already has multiple properties, and they even talked about renting them out. So why do they suddenly need to buy another house together just for the two of them to live in? It would be one thing if they were investing in rental properties, but the fact that they want to live there together while I stay behind feels... weird. Right?
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    2. His Sister's Involvement in Our Relationship Back to his sister's "check-up" call—I put that in quotes because she's never really been friendly with me. We're cool, but we don't have a close relationship. She doesn't reach out to hang out, and when I try to make plans, she usually bails.
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    What bothers me is that she's constantly prying into our relationship. When my boyfriend and I have issues, instead of working through them with me, he goes to her to dissect everything. He values her
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    opinions and how she would handle things over my own perspective as his partner. She then turns around and calls me to dig for more information.
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    I understand venting to siblings sometimes, but when it comes to our relationship, I should be involved in the discussions. It feels inappropriate that she has so much influence over him, and when I
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    told him it makes me uncomfortable, his response was basically, "She just handles it better." That's incredibly frustrating-why is her perspective on OUR relationship more important than mine?
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    3. His Sudden Change of Heart on Marriage When I expressed that I feel excluded from his plans and that it makes me question our future, I asked why he wasn't considering buying a house with me if we're serious about building a life together. His response? That buying a house with his sister is a "safer investment."
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    This led me to ask if he even sees a future with me anymore. What if we get married and have kids- would I just never have a say in our home? That's when he dropped the bomb: he doesn't think he wants to get married anymore.
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    This absolutely crushed me. Before we got serious, I was upfront that marriage is important to me-l want to be a wife, I'm dating to marry, and he agreed that he wanted the same things. Now, over a year into the relationship, he's suddenly saying he doesn't believe in marriage because "men get S I over in divorces."
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    ގ
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    I told him that's what prenups are for, and that it's wrong to approach marriage assuming it will fail. I don't want his money or assets-I just want the commitment of a lifelong partner who also wants
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    that. He told me we can still have a family and be together, he just doesn't want the legal ties that could potentially f him over. But now I'm starting to feel like I'm just a placeholder girlfriend for him.
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    So, What Do You Think? This is all a lot to process, and I don't know how to feel about it. Am I overreacting? Does this whole situation seem off to anyone else? I feel excluded, undervalued, and like his sister has more influence over him than I do.
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    Pristine-Mastodon-37 He doesn't want to marry you. He has a life partner, his sister, and you're the one he can sleep with. This is no reflection on you, he clearly has some unhealthy bonds with his sister. Save yourself the heartbreak and years of suffering and walk away. He picked her, you pick you.
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    theworldisonfire8377 I would count myself lucky that I found out how co- dependent and enmeshed they are before I got married and leave them to buy as many homes as
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    they want with each other. Red flags galore. Run, and don't waste your time pining over someone who'd rather shack up with his sister than his partner.
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    notthemama58 All this and the fact he said they could still have family together, just unmarried. This now makes OP a brood mare. She carries the babies, he takes them to his cozy house of weird.
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    SuPruLu Sounds like he is in his way out of the relationship but isn't willing to say it in those words.
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    thelittlestdog23 Yeah this is pretty obviously a break up. He currently lives with OP, but he's moving out of that place and into a place with his sister, in a different town. He also flat out stated he doesn't want to get married anymore. Take this for what it is OP: this relationship is over.
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    WarmCry35 I mean... It's cut and dry. He told you his perception of your relationship but he wants you to still be there too because he doesn't want to be lonely. All the decisions are about making him happy, you're not
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    even a second thought. With all that in mind, you need to decide how much you value yourself to be considered lesser by your bf and his sister and I'm going to assume his whole family too since I don't hear anyone coming to your defense.
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    Temporary_Refuse4638 You may not want to hear this, but it's time to leave. Do you want your future man to not put you first? From what I read, I don't see a man that cares/loves you. You are a placeholder. A placeholder that sits and waits while he figures out what he wants. Do
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    you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who does not think about you when making future plans? You are not aligned, you want marriage, he does not. You are incompatible. It's up to you now, do you love yourself enough to leave that situation? Find your self worth. Good luck girl
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    Significant_Meal_630 And his sister sees him as a way to secure her future.
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    rhunter99 That's a lot of text just to say "ex-bf". Best of luck
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    mirwenpnw He told you about six different ways "I don't want to invest in you." Not your feelings, not your finances, not your decisions. So stop being his convenient s service and leave.
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    Infinite-Adeptness58 It sounds like he's broken up with you, but is waiting to make it official until he completely moves out.
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    sourdough_s8n You have a golden opportunity to give that man back to his sister and let them live happily ever after- then you can go enjoy your life and find a husband that's not..that close.. to his sister

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